Everyone has something in their past that tries to follow them into the present.
A mistake. A missed opportunity. A painful moment. A version of themselves they’re not proud of.

And while it’s normal to reflect, it’s easy to get stuck.
You replay conversations. Relive decisions. Rewrite outcomes in your head.
But here’s the hard truth: you can’t rewrite the past—you can only reframe your relationship to it.

What If the Past Isn’t Holding You Back—You’re Holding on to It?

It’s not judgment. It’s human.

But living in the past often looks like:

• Thinking, “If only I had…”

• Avoiding new opportunities out of old guilt

• Letting past pain define today’s choices

Here’s the shift:

What if the goal isn’t to forget the past—but to learn from it and move differently now?

That’s how you start to reclaim forward motion.
Not by erasing what happened—but by stepping out of it.

3 Ways to Stop Living in the Past

1. Name the story you keep repeating

Write it out: What’s the memory, belief, or loop you keep returning to?
When it’s vague, it stays powerful. When it’s clear, you can start to question it.

2. Ask the better question

Instead of “Why did that happen?” or “What’s wrong with me?”, ask:

• What did I learn?

• What do I want to carry forward—and what can I leave behind?

3. Decide what you want now

The past doesn’t disappear—but it loses power when the present gets clearer.
Ask: What do I want more of in my life this week? Then take one small step toward it.

The What If Question:

What if I stop trying to fix the past—and just focus on what’s next?

Want more questions like this? Subscribe to The What If Weekly.

Or explore the book Start With What If for 52 weekly shifts that help you think and act differently—starting today.

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FAQs for “How to Stop Living in the Past”

❓ How do I stop living in the past?

Start by noticing the story you keep repeating. Instead of trying to erase the past, use a better question to reframe it. Ask yourself: What do I want to carry forward—and what can I leave behind? Shifting how you see it creates space to act differently now.

❓ Why do I keep replaying past mistakes?

Because your brain wants closure and control—but you’re not broken for doing it. The key is to name the loop, question the story, and replace it with a new next step. That’s how you move from rumination to action.

❓ Can the What If Rule help me let go of the past?

Yes. It’s a powerful way to pause the mental loop and redirect your focus. Try asking: What if I stop trying to fix the past—and just focus on what’s next? That one question can shift how you feel and what you do, right now.

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About Doug Fleener

Doug is the creator of The What If Rule and author of Start With What If. He helps people create better perspectives and options through one powerful question at a time. Subscribe to his newsletter or check out the book to start your shift.