Start With Who You Will Be

So much of my work comes from the overlap of recovery, leadership, and learning how to live and work more intentionally.

At some point in my recovery, I began to see a gap.

There was the person I wanted to be, and then there was how I actually showed up during the day.

As a father. Husband. Friend. Boss. Employee.

The problem was that I often did not see the gap until the end of the day. I would reflect at night and realize where I had been patient, where I had reacted, where I had listened, and where I had missed it.

That reflection was valuable.

But it was also late.

The day had already happened.

So, I started turning it around.

Instead of only looking back at night, I began starting the day by deciding who I would be before the day started pulling at me.

Not perfectly. Not with some long morning routine. Just a simple decision before the day got a vote.

Who will I be today.

Something happened I did not expect.

Because I started the day with a clearer sense of who I intended to be, I caught myself more quickly when I was off track.

Not always in the moment. Not every time. But faster.

Years later, I realized the same practice made me a better leader.

As I looked at the day ahead, with people to support, meetings to lead, decisions to make, and responsibilities to handle, I could pause and decide who I needed to be before I stepped into those moments.

Most people start their day with what they need to do.

That matters. Of course it does.

But your actions are shaped by who you are while you do them.

A task list does not tell you who to be when someone disappoints you.

A calendar does not tell you who to be when the conversation gets difficult.

A goal does not tell you who to be when you are tired, frustrated, rushed, or pulled in ten different directions.

That is why the first of The Three Decisions is:

Who will I be today.

One simple way to practice this is to look at the day ahead and choose one or two qualities you will need most.

Patience.
Focus.
Curiosity.
Calm.
Confidence.
Grace.
Courage.

Then connect that quality to a real situation.

I will be a patient leader in today’s staff meeting.

I will be a curious coach in my conversation with that employee.

I will be a calm decision-maker when the pressure rises.

I will be a supportive husband and parent tonight.

That small decision gives you something to return to when the day starts pulling at you.

It will not make you perfect.

It will make you more aware.

And awareness gives you a better chance to be the person you want and need to be before the moment has already passed.

This is where The Three Decisions begin.

Who will I be today.
What matters most.
What will I do today.

Identity. Priority. Action.

Most people try to change their day by starting with what they need to do.

But the better starting point is who they decide to be.

Because who you are shapes what you notice, what you prioritize, how you respond, and what you do next.

So before the day takes over, make the first decision.

Decide who you will be in it.