Coaching Stressed-Out People

This coaching piece is based on this post.

When someone shows up tense, short, or reactive, it’s easy to assume you’re dealing with a personality issue. Most of the time, you’re not.

You’re seeing someone who feels overloaded.

When people are stressed, their world shrinks. Conversations speed up. Patience drops. Decisions get pushed instead of thought through. Their stress starts affecting the room, even if that’s not their intention.

The goal of coaching in these moments isn’t to make someone feel better. It’s to help them carry stress without spreading it.

Here are three ways to do that.

1. Focus on patterns and not the person
Avoid labels. Talk about what repeats.

“When things get tight, conversations seem to speed up.”
“In stressful moments, I notice people pull back.”

Patterns are easier to hear than personal criticism. They help someone see what’s happening without feeling attacked.

2. Point out the impact
Don’t debate intent. Name what happens next.

“The room gets quieter.”
“People stop offering ideas.”
“Decisions narrow.”

Most people don’t realize their stress is shaping others. Once they see the impact, they usually want to adjust.

3. Coach awareness, not control
This isn’t about telling someone to calm down. It’s about helping them notice when stress is running the show.

One simple question works well:
“What do you want people to experience from you when things feel heavy?”

That question shifts the focus from emotion to choice.

Good coaching doesn’t remove stress. It helps people manage it so others don’t have to.