Three Phrases That Stop Progress

In 30 years of working with leaders, I’ve noticed three recurring phrases that often stop progress before it even starts.

They sound reasonable. They feel true. Sometimes they even are true.

But more often than we realize, they are not just phrases. They are decisions.

A decision about what is possible.
A decision about what can change.
A decision about what we are willing to accept.

1. “I don’t think that will work.”

This one is about the future.

Something new comes up, and it gets ruled out quickly. Not because it has been tested, but because it feels uncertain, uncomfortable, or different.

This shows up everywhere. In business. In leadership. In relationships. In parenting.

The risk is not trying something that fails.

The bigger risk is never trying something that might have worked.

This is where the first decision matters: Who will I be today?

Will I be someone who protects the familiar? Or someone willing to stay curious long enough to test a better option?

2. “It is what it is.”

This one is about the present.

A situation gets accepted as fixed when it may not be. Sometimes that acceptance is healthy. There are things we cannot change, and fighting them only drains energy.

But often, “it is what it is” gets used too early.

Before there has been a real conversation.
Before there has been a better question.
Before there has been one serious attempt to improve the situation.

“It is what it is” can create peace.

Or it can quietly keep things exactly the same.

That is why the second decision matters: What matters most?

If what matters most is improving the result, strengthening the relationship, helping the team, or serving the customer better, then accepting the current state too quickly may not be the right decision.

3. “That’s just how they are.”

This one is about people.

It is usually said about someone who is not showing up the way we want or need them to. A teammate who is not performing. A partner who repeats the same behavior. A friend who never follows through. A manager who avoids accountability.

And once we say, “That’s just how they are,” it gets treated like a fixed fact.

To be fair, sometimes acceptance is the right move. Especially in relationships, there are traits that may not change. Learning to accept those can make life better.

But that is not usually how this phrase gets used.

It is rarely said about someone exceeding expectations. It is usually a way to explain or tolerate behavior that is not really working.

Here is a simple way to test it:

If this person showed up differently, would the outcome improve?

If the answer is yes, then it may not be just “how they are.” It may be what is being accepted.

And once that is clear, whether the cost is performance, energy, trust, or the quality of the relationship, it becomes harder to ignore.

That is where the third decision matters: What will I do today?

Maybe the action is a conversation. Maybe it is a clearer expectation. Maybe it is coaching, a boundary, or a decision to stop being surprised by something that keeps happening.

All three of these phrases have something in common.

They close the door too quickly.

They create certainty where there should be curiosity.

They stop the search for a better option.

So this week, listen for one of them.

“I don’t think that will work.”
“It is what it is.”
“That’s just how they are.”

And when you catch it, pause long enough to make a better decision.

Who will I be today?
What matters most?
What will I do today?

Because the phrase does not have to own the outcome.

Once you catch it, you can decide what happens next.